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Sex is what’s really getting us online in such record numbers.”Most of the big dating sites claim to be about actual dating aiming at actual relationships,” says Elliott. “Sites like Match and Datingdirect say they want people to meet and fall in love. Users say that friendship is their main goal, not physical intimacy.”Liars.The current advertising campaign for Match is the UK’s biggest online dating promotion. In slightly tittersome language, it details the “common side-effects of being in love” Frustratingly, it makes no mention of sex. The website itself is self-consciously nonsexual – it’s all neutered pastel colours and love hearts It’s very girly. Its slogan? “We guarantee you’ll find someone special within six months.”Gaydar’s homepage features pictures of semi-naked men beckoning you to log on.

Its slogan? “What you want, when you want it.”Which is more honest? And which approach do you prefer – honestly?”People definitely lie about what they’re looking for,” says Dr Monica Whitty, social psychologist at Queen’s University and co-author of Cyberspace Romance: the Psychology of Online Dating.And despite increasing evidence that in the post-feminist world of ladettes and speed-dating there is a convergence in the sexual behaviour of men and women, Whitty says that the traditional gender roles still apply online.”It’s still not socially acceptable for women to seek casual sex,” she says. “Often women will try to attract more men by claiming they’re only after a casual relationship Men will do the opposite. Both sexes are playing a game.”On Gaydar, the game is different because there are no female players. It’s a gay man’s world.”Gaydar is mostly about sex,” says Tim Fountain, who wrote the play Sex Addict about his Gaydar experiences. Fountain claims to have had sex with more than 5,500 men in his 30-odd years “A lot from Gaydar I’ve also made friends. I am not saying you can’t find a relationship there, but it’s a bit like going to a sauna or backroom and expecting to see a wedding.”Whitty’s research on straight sites shows that women tend to tinker with their vital statistics; they exaggerate the size of their breasts and shrink their waist measurements Men usually inflate their socioeconomic status. “Outright lies are told, but more often than not it’s simply exaggeration.” For gay men, the pay packet is as important as the package.

Often, both are exaggerated.”A lot of gay men pretend to be married,” says Fountain, “because married men are such a turn-on. If I change my profile to ‘bisexual’ I get more hits.”"Because there are so many choices you need to attract attention,” says Whitty. “You need to be attractive and appealing but not disappointing when you meet in the flesh.”Fountain’s Gaydar profile is Steeee77 Having met him, I can say it’s fairly accurate He’s seeking “sex and more with right person” I was surprised to learn that he likes “denim and nipples” But hey ho. “The more like you your profile is, the more likely an offline relationship is to succeed,” says Dr Whitty. “Technology, especially digital cameras, makes it easy to cheat – but if you meet, you will get caught.”On Gaydar it’s all subjective, and therefore potentially deceptive Gaydar years, for example, are more akin to dog years I’ve skipped a birthday or two.